


Take Me to Church - Extras, Prompt Fills, and Other Tidbits

by neversaydie



Series: My Church is not of Silver and Gold [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Ballet, Ballet, Bulimia, Complicated Relationships, Eating Disorders, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-20 06:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 6,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9478892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: As it says on the tin. This is a collection of extras about Take Me to Church/Beyond Redemption which have built up on my tumblr.It includes prompt fills, headcanons, character background stuff, and other bits and pieces in that universe.





	1. Headcanons: Steve and Bucky, Clint

**Author's Note:**

> Thought it was a good idea to collect all this stuff in one place in case anyone's interested in fleshing out this universe. 
> 
> Any and all warnings from the TM2C universe apply here.

Bucky actually turns out to be a good cook in this verse, despite learning it all for the first time. He spent most of his life in dorms eating at canteens so it’s all new to him, but cooking actually helps him deal with his food issues a little bit (he’s in control of _everything_ that goes into a dish and that’s very soothing) so he gets stuck into learning how. Steve is a three-varieties-of-chicken-and-rice guy and eats everything with potatoes if left to his own devices (he has eaten rice and potatoes as a meal before. Bucky was _horrified_  by the carbs on carbs), so he’s pretty stoked his boyfriend is great at cooking. 

Steve and Bucky are definitely one of those couples who have relationship memes. Like Steve can just say ski socks really slowly in a dumb voice and Bucky’s on the floor laughing and everyone around them is like… ugh for fucks sake stop being cute. Steve talks in his sleep and Bucky leaves him a nightly report in post-its on the fridge (”That horse can’t wear a g-string, he’s not beach body ready, Sam!”), which is the source of most of their house memes.

Steve is one of those musician dudes who constantly noodles at something if left to his own devices. There are five million instruments around the apartment and Bucky’s cool with everything but the trumpet. No trumpeting in the house. He calls it the fart tube until Steve can’t look at it without laughing, let alone play it.. 

Clint Barton: competent therapist, disaster human being. Like he legitimately sucks at everything outside his job. Can’t cook, trips over his own feet, forgets to do up his zipper, realises his fly is open and breaks his zipper in haste. That kinda thing. But he’s frighteningly competent at things he’s required to do. Like the dude was an Olympic archer, you don’t get there without being Fucking Good.

Clint has Lucky in this verse, sad story. He had a client early in his career who he was very close to, the guy didn’t have any family left and therapy was an outlet for him. Clint thought he was making progress but the guy ended up being killed in a car accident, never clear whether it was intentional or not. There was nobody to take the guy’s dog, so Clint volunteered rather than having it put in a shelter. Him and Lucky have been inseparable ever since.  


	2. Headcanon: Steve's headspace while Bucky is in treatment post TM2C

Two really big things happen for Steve while Bucky’s in treatment:

1\. He doesn’t have anyone to take care of for the first time ever. 

2\. He gets depressed as fuck. 

It’s the burnout, more than anything else. It’s the rapid decompression after being on high alert for so long, after being in a constant state of worry. When he’s not being driven by adrenaline anymore Steve just crashes. Hard. 

It brings up a lot of stuff about his Dad, which doesn’t help. He’d never felt like he was particularly affected by what happened with his father, but his Ma recognises the slump from her own experiences and brings it up gently. Steve’s spent a week struggling to get out of bed at that point, and his Ma comes over with food and hugs and the depth of understanding Steve hasn’t had from anyone else so far. 

The guilt eats at him, quietly, because what if he loved Bucky because he wanted someone to fix? What if he’s just been trying to subconsciously make up for what happened to his Dad this whole time? What if–

But then Bucky’s allowed to call from treatment, sounding strong and clear and tentatively proud that he hasn’t purged in a week. And Steve feels fucking _joyful_ he’s so proud.

He buys a ring before Bucky even gets out of treatment, because now he’s sure. 


	3. Prompt: hurt/comfort, Bucky/Steve

Sometimes, when Bucky’s having a hard time but won’t say anything about it because he’s afraid of upsetting his boyfriend, Steve has little things he’ll pull out to try and help. 

He leaves small amounts of food he knows Bucky likes around him, unobtrusive and there to come across when he might not think too hard about it. He’ll drop off a bowl of canned tuna (Bucky likes it plain even when things are really bad, so it’s a safe source of protein) at Bucky’s elbow when he’s working at the table, some bell pepper strips (the calories aren’t going to make a dent but it’s better than nothing) on the arm of the couch when they’re watching TV, plain popcorn between them when they’re hanging out with friends so it can be picked at absently. It’s not too hard to get a couple hundred calories into a person, and when things are bad a couple hundred calories is the difference between getting back up and spiralling further. 

His most effective technique in helping Bucky out of a slump is pulling out the kind of forceful caring he doesn’t usually use on his boyfriend. Bucky comes home from a hard day at the studio, aching and tired and not about to do anything about the apathetic emptiness in his stomach, and Steve will sit him down on the couch and gently peel his shirt off without asking. He’ll manhandle Bucky into lying down, put on some shit TV and rub out the knots in Bucky’s back until he’s finally relaxed enough that he’ll let go and start talking. It’s not usually about what’s bothering him, he keeps that locked up tight, but the release of tension usually leaves him waking up a little brighter the next morning. 

When Steve’s having a hard time, Bucky never really knows what to do. He feels desperate with it, sure he’s going to fuck up helping because he can’t even handle his own emotions, let alone anyone else’s. But what helps Steve more than anything is that he tries. Bucky will pull out all the stops when Steve’s feeling shitty, order him the Wonder Woman t-shirt he’s been putting off getting himself and cook his boyfriend dinner and wrap him up in their snuggliest blanket for enforced music documentary marathons (in spite of the fact they bore Bucky to tears, because Steve loves them). And tell Steve he’s fucking proud of him for keeping on, that’s the most important thing.

So there is an edge of desperation to Bucky’s attempts to help, an anxious air of _when have I done enough, when have I fixed it_ , but it’s so sincerely meant that it actually works, somehow. He loves Steve so much that it unsettles him at his core when Steve is out of sorts, and although it might not be healthy there’s something about that devotion that helps Steve scramble out of the darkness. 

They’re not perfect, and their ways of coping are far from perfect, but they work it out together. 


	4. Prompt: bendy smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this actually ended up making its way into Ch7 of Beyond Redemption.

“Fu-uck.” Steve groans deep in his chest, a low growl he doesn’t try and hold back as he sinks deep into Bucky. “Sure you can hold your legs up like that?”

“The longer you talk, the less time I can hold ‘em there.” Bucky kicks Steve in the back of the head lightly with his heel, folded up pretty much double under his boyfriend and not yet breaking a sweat for it. It’s not even much of a stretch after he’s been dancing all day, but Steve gets off on it so he’ll be as bendy as he likes. “Unless you want me to put my legs behind my head? That wouldn’t be too-”

Steve makes a wounded sound and starts thrusting into Bucky hard and fast, big hands tight enough to bruise as they hold his hips in place. Bucky laughs around a moan and just hangs on for the ride, he always loves it when Steve’s _gone_ for him like this. 

There are advantages to dating a dancer, after all. 


	5. DVD Commentary: Beyond Redemption Ch5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was for a 'send me bits of my fics for a DVD commentary' ask meme.

> _"I can't go back to you on coffee and cigarettes and getting dizzy when you stand up all the time. I can't handle you going back to sleeping for two days straight because you've run yourself into the ground." He sounds desperate, filled with all the fear and uncertainty that usually brews half-pacified under his calm surface. He grabs Bucky's hand and all Bucky can do is hold him back. "You can't do that, Buck. You can't take it and I can't take it. We can't take it, us."_

That first bit of dialogue was actually pencilled in (this was planning stage so the plot has changed now) for a confrontation after Steve finds out Bucky’s been engaging in his ED behaviours again. It was going to be part of a big blow-up fight rather than a discussion. I write script and dialogue sometimes way ahead of where they need to be in the story, dialogue comes to me easy so it helps me plan. 

Steve’s depression and stress around his mom’s illness didn’t make it into the first plan of this story, it was only after the first draft that I figured the hint of him getting into a pit after Bucky went to treatment (Take Me To Church, epilogue) was something to build on. Bucky in this verse is a people pleaser at heart, he wants to make everyone around him happy, for self-preservation or otherwise, and being unable to fix the thing causing Steve so much angst is fucking him up just as much as the pressure from the company. Steve, on the other hand, is terrified of Bucky relapsing and also acknowledging how much he’s struggling himself because of what happened to his father. It underpins his interactions with his Mom, particularly. 


	6. Prompt: AU where everything is okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it an AU? is it not? WE'LL SEE.

Victor learns to walk shortly after his first birthday. Babysitting his nephew gets significantly more interesting for Bucky after that. 

“He can do circles and everything.” He grins at Steve, exhausted but proud, as Victor does wobbly laps of the living room. He falls on his diaper-covered ass every few steps, but he’s getting the hang of it. “See! He can turn now.”

“That’s awesome.” Steve sets his guitar case down and tears Bucky away from staring at his miracle nephew for a kiss. He watches Bucky watch the baby for a minute, heart swelling at how happy his boyfriend looks in spite of how worn out he is. He only gets more beautiful as time passes, Steve’s sure of it.

“Hey.” He slings his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and gets a lazy headbutt of affection in return. “You wanna have one of those one day?”

“Yeah.” Bucky nods after a minute, looking up at Steve like he can’t quite believe what he’s saying. “Yeah, I really do.”


	7. Prompt: Christmas Dinner

The envelope is innocuous enough, sitting in the pile of Christmas cards and bills on the counter, that Bucky doesn’t recognise the handwriting until it’s too late. He’s exhausted, still hungover from the party celebrating their Nutcracker premiere last night, so he ends up reading the card twice before he takes any of the words in - and freezes on the spot when he does. 

“What is it?” Steve is busy finishing up the dishes but catches his boyfriend’s unnatural stillness within a minute. He keeps his tone light when he asks, despite the foreboding in his chest, because Bucky doesn’t seem to be panicking or anything… just blindsided. 

“My, uh.” Bucky blinks and clears his throat, tucking a strand of hair that’s escaped his bun back behind his ear nervously as he gets past the surprise. His stomach growls audibly. “My parents invited us to Christmas dinner.”

“Oh.” Steve’s shoulders drop a little with relief, because at least it’s not worse. “You want me to throw it out?”

“Nah, I just…” He leans on the counter and glares at the invitation like it can reveal its secrets to him. “What’s she doing? We don’t have Christmas dinner.”

“You don’t have Christmas dinner? I know you had a fucked up childhood, but seriously.” Steve’s eyebrows have never been higher, Bucky’s pretty sure. And after the face he made when he saw his boyfriend’s new hot-pink yoga leggings, Bucky hadn’t thought that was possible. 

“Mama never wanted to have it on the 25th, some Russian thing. Dad was always working or went to see his relatives for the day if he could, so it just kinda never happened.” He shrugs, checking the envelope to make sure there isn’t anything else in it and muttering mostly to himself. “What’s she trying to achieve? Does she actually want me to go? I should call Becky and - Hey!”

Steve plucks the invitation from his fingers and tosses it in the garbage before Bucky can work himself into an anxious mess over it. He knows his boyfriend hates it when he steps in to make decisions like that, but they’re both way too tired right now and he’s got to take his Ma to chemo in a couple of hours - he just doesn’t have the energy to walk Bucky through figuring this out at his own speed. 

It’s happening more often lately, but Steve isn’t even going to try and think about that until the company’s latest run is over. 

“We’re not going to some bullshit dinner with your parents just so your Mom can bully you and you can drink yourself sick to get through it. We’re not doing that again.” He shuts the garbage can lid firmly, trying not to feel exasperated by the stricken look on Bucky’s face. “They’re not gonna change, babe. This is just her trying to manipulate you again, you know that.”

“I know. I just thought, maybe…” Bucky shakes his head, expression unreadable as he puts the rest of the mail down. Steve is struck by the sudden realisation that his boyfriend still _hopes_ his parents will change - he hadn’t considered that, not after everything they’ve done. “Nah, you’re right. I’m gonna go take a nap, anyway.”

“Buck…” Steve doesn’t know what the rest of that sentence is going to be, but he doesn’t get to finish it anyway: Bucky’s already left the room. 

It’s only when Steve’s already on the subway that he realises Bucky went to nap in the spare bedroom - the one where his ‘secret’ supply of binge food is hidden in the bottom of the closet. 

Steve lets his head fall back against the wall and takes the rattling pain as penance. Fuck. 


	8. Headcanon: misc Steve

_What’s their taste in music?_

oldies and classic rock. his favourite band is the Beatles. 

_Can they sing? Do they sing? (Two different questions!)_

he can! not well enough that he’s ever been booked for a singing gig, but he’s been in plenty of bands and sung in a few.

_Can/do they play any instruments?_

he can play pretty much anything passably if you give him half an hour to figure it out. he’s one of those people, can play pretty much any pop song on piano without sheet music.

_Dance?_

no. not even a little bit. not even in the club five drinks in.


	9. Headcanon: misc Bucky

**Sight**

_What’s their favorite color?_

He actually really likes that dusky pink colour, like ballet tights. But he’d never admit to that because he doesn’t know if he actually likes it or is just used to it through exposure. 

_Do they have any art on their bedroom walls?_

He insisted on getting a couple of Steve’s sketches framed that his boyfriend gave him as a present. Like Steve made him a version of Joy Division’s Unknown Pleasures album cover after they stayed up all night trying to one-up each other about music in the early days of their relationship, and Bucky has it hung up so he can see it every day. 

_(If applicable) What would their fashion sense be like if they weren’t limited by money, uniform regulations, animation budget, etc.?_

Hungover vampire is Bucky’s general look, when he’s not in sports gear. He’s very concerned about his appearance _all the time_ , so his wardrobe pretty much only consists of things he thinks make him look skinny. Most of them aren’t comfortable. Steve forces sweaters on him. 

**Touch**

_How are they with cuddling/holding hands?_

Pretty low on PDA but when just around friends or on their own he’s all over Steve most of the time. As long as he’s initiating. 

_Do they like to be hugged?_

He’s kind of like a cat in that he’s very skittish sometimes, and other times just shoves himself in your lap and refuses to move. Steve’s got pretty good at working out when is which, but sometimes he goes to hug his boyfriend and gets a quiet _don’t_ and Bucky squirming away because he doesn’t want to be touched. It all depends on how his body image is at the time.

_Do they fidget?_

Bucky read on a thinspo website when he was fourteen that fidgeting burns something like 400 calories a day if you do it consistently. He can’t break the habit now.


	10. Prompt: grocery shopping

“Just pick one.” Steve is just about ready to give up and sit down in the middle of the cereal aisle, that’s how long this shopping trip is taking. It turns out their local store has stopped carrying Bucky’s brand of protein powder, as they discovered at least _thirty_ minutes ago when it prompted Bucky to start comparing the others to find an alternative.

It’s official, Steve is going to die in the supermarket. 

“They’re all the same, Buck.” He’s trying to be supportive, he knows new foods are still a struggle for his boyfriend and that’s not Bucky’s fault, but this is getting ridiculous. Bucky’s working himself into a panic of indecision over fucking _protein powder_  and Steve would dearly like to rip his disorder out of his head and beat it to death with his bare hands. 

Things haven’t been this hard for a while, and he’s beginning to think there’s something going on that Bucky’s not telling him. 

“They’re all too much sugar.” Bucky glances between their cart and the tub in his hands, tensed up like a coiled spring. Steve can see the strands of hair that have escaped his low bun trembling, giving away that he’s about to start shaking with nerves. “Could mark it down as a dessert, but then-”

“Babe, no.” Steve officially calls time and steps in, prying the tub gently from Bucky’s fingers and setting it back on the shelf. Protein shakes are not fucking dessert, Bucky’s come too far to slide back into that kind of thinking. “We’ll order the other shit online, alright? You can sub something else into your plan for a couple of days.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” He doesn’t sound like he’s comfortable with it, but Bucky blows out a shaky breath and glances at Steve sideways, tucking stray hair behind his ear with a tight, self-conscious smile. He doesn’t look like he’s lost weight. Steve wonders if they’ll ever reach a point where he’s not subconsciously sizing Bucky up. “Sorry. I know I’m crazy.”

“Good thing I love your crazy ass.” Steve pecks him on the lips, trying to ease some of the tension still evident in Bucky’s body language. “C’mon, divide and conquer before I die of old age. I’ll do meat, you do bread. Meet you at the check out.”

“Go team.” Bucky deadpans lowly, and Steve checks him with his shoulder on the way past with a snort. 

Next week, he’ll do the grocery shopping on his own. Probably better for everyone’s mental health. 


	11. Headcanon: Clint as therapist

> _what is it like for clint, as bucky's therapist? he's working with someone whose past (success, injury, rebuilding his entire life) mirrors his own and the countertransference must be pretty intense._

Yep, it actually comes up a couple of times in TM2C and will come up again in the sequel (soon, in fact) that Clint feels like he has a hard time being objective about Bucky as a patient. This results in him making some decisions with Bucky’s care that might not necessarily be the right thing to do professionally. He already realises he’s having trouble with staying detached (he just _really_ wants Bucky to _win_ for once), and has struggled with the idea of transferring Bucky to another therapist more than once.


	12. Prompt: 'Calm down, they can't hurt you anymore.'

Bucky seeing his parents is, invariably, a bad idea. 

Steve can tell his boyfriend’s been throwing up when he gets home - the puffiness under his jaw and watery eyes would be enough of a clue without the fact he’s curled miserably around a hot water bottle on the couch in the middle of the day. The fact he’s not used to the way purging makes his stomach cramp anymore is progress, definitely, but it doesn’t take away the pain. 

Going to lunch with his parents as moral support for his sister was supposed to be easy - her telling them she’s retiring from ballet should have deflected from Bucky entirely… but when has that ever worked out?

Bucky startles when Steve sets his guitar case down and makes his presence known, sitting up guiltily and wincing at the strain on his muscles. He looks panicked suddenly, like he’s been caught doing something forbidden. 

“I’m sorry.” He blurts out in a rasp before Steve can even get a word out. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, calm down.” He’s not sure what Bucky’s apologising for, he can’t possibly think Steve’s mad at him for lapsing under the circumstances. Steve sits on the coffee table opposite and takes his hands, frowning when he realises they’re icy cold. “You’re okay, Buck. They can’t hurt you anymore.” 

“I fucked up.” He shakes his head anxiously, starting to shiver - from cold or emotion, Steve can’t tell. “I fucked up after I promised you… I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.”

“Baby, I’m not… You think I’m mad at you for purging this one time?” Okay, apparently he _can_ think Steve’s mad at him. Bucky looks at the floor and doesn’t say anything, and there’s been a wire crossed somewhere because Jesus, this is not a reaction he wants to inspire in his boyfriend. “Shit, I’m not-”

Then the alarm on his phone goes off, and Steve remembers his to-do list with a thud. 

“Fuck, I gotta take Ma to chemo.” He doesn’t move for a second though, squeezes Bucky’s cold hands tight and gets him to look him in the eye. “I’m not mad at you, okay? We’ve gotta talk about this when I get back.”

“Okay.” Bucky sounds like he doesn’t believe it, but unfortunately Steve doesn’t have time to reassure him much further because he’s already running late. 

The apartment door slams behind him in his hurry. As soon as he’s alone, Bucky goes for the fridge.


	13. Headcanon: Who is Clint's bf?!

Drax. 

I have a whole weird headcanon about Clint’s super-literal (possibly autistic-spectrum) tattoo artist boyfriend, spending his life having to deal with dog hair getting in his equipment because _do you know how much that costs Barton seriously_. 

It doesn’t come up in the fic but it occurred to me once and then I couldn’t get rid of the idea.


	14. Headcanons: misc Steve pt.2

**2-4 songs that are probably on their iPod**

_Jackie and Wilson_ \- Hozier (hipster)  
 _Happiness is a Warm Gun_ \- The Beatles (he’s a musician and he loves the innovation of the White Album)  
 _Bucky Done Gun_ \- MIA (he likes to play it and annoy Bucky, little does he know his boyfriend is developing choreography)

**the one place they sometimes end up falling asleep — where they’re not supposed to**

The subway. He’s out straight away but he sleeps lightly, he’s tired not stupid. 

**the game they’d _destroy_ everyone else at**

Mario Kart. He’s a cold bitch. Mainly because the only other games he plays are indie-crowdfunded-epistolary-single -player-weirdness. 

**the emoticon they’d use most often**

(ง︡’-‘︠)ง 

**what they act like when they haven’t had enough sleep**

Foggy and spaced out. He’ll walk right past someone he knows on the street because he’s not paying attention. Can be cranky if not managed with hot beverages and hugs.

**their preferred hot beverage on really cold nights. or mornings. or whenever.**

Coffee, with a splash of milk and a lot of sugar. He grinds his own beans and refuses to drink Starbucks.

**how they like to comfort/care for themselves when they’re in a slump**

Blanket burrito. He usually bundles himself up and calls his mom to vent about whatever is bothering him. Then comes the candy, but he hasn’t really been doing that since he started dating Bucky.

**what they wanted to be when they grew up**

A superhero. Or a fireman. Then he started learning the piano and it was all over: rockstar.

**their favorite kind of weather**

Bright sunshine, shirt-off weather.

**thoughts on their singing voice (decent? terrible? soprano? alto?)**

Very good. He trained when he was in college, all the music majors had to. It’s a bit musical-theatrey though, he doesn’t like that himself.  

**how/what they like to draw or doodle**

Facial expressions. Or nudes. Erotic art is totally valid, it’s not just dirty pictures (shut up Sam).


	15. Prompt: Steve/Bucky + Sewing

“Mother _fucker_!”

“Again?” Bucky sets down a cup of coffee by his boyfriend’s elbow with a sigh, watching with fond exasperation as Steve sucks the blood off his finger where he’s stabbed it with the needle for the fifth time. “Why don’t you just let me do it?”

“’Cause you have the unsteadiest hands in the entire world.” Steve grumbles, squinting at the little pouch in his hand behind his thick hipster glasses. “The fuck do these things have to be so small for?”

“I dunno why you insist on making people handmade birthday presents. You hipster fuck.” Bucky shakes his head at the long-suffering look that says Steve is asking himself the same question. “I got her a fifth of nice vodka and a fancy glass to drink it out of.”

“That’s because you’re a terrible person who won’t stop ‘til we’re all alcoholics.” Steve grunts in frustration when the thread falls off the end of his needle. Again. “Handmade stuff is special… and I don’t know where to buy these, anyway.”

“Etsy, maybe?” Bucky cranes over to get a look at the second of what are supposed to be ten pouches, all made of different fabrics. Some are bigger - to be filled with beans or rice to turn them into microwavable heat pads, or smaller - ready for baking soda and lavender or whatever else for deodorising gym bags and drawers. “Babe, will you let me help? I’ll tell Nat it was all you.”

Steve fumbles the needle as he tries to thread it and drops it on the floor. He makes a strangled sound and throws his glasses across the table, putting his head in his hands. Bucky tries not to laugh because damn, people call him dramatic. 

“Fine. Yes. Please help me.” It’s muffled grudgingly through his fingers, and Bucky has to bite his lip to hold in the giggle that wants to escape as he sweeps the pile of sewing stuff over to his side of the table. 

By the time Steve is over his conniption and raises his head, Bucky already has one of the bags done.

“Motherfucker!” He grabs for his glasses to make sure he’s not seeing things as Bucky continues placidly (extremely fucking smugly) working on the next pouch. “How did you do that?!”

“I’ve been fixing my own shit and adjusting my shoes since I was a kid.” He shrugs, far too pleased with himself. “You pick it up.”

“You are… terrible.” Steve scowls as Bucky snorts a laugh. “Can’t believe I’m gonna marry you.”

The room is suddenly very silent. 

Bucky drops the needle as Steve realises what he just said. 

Oh. Fuck.


	16. Prompt: Bucky + coming out of the closet

“When have you had time to meet this boy? You’ve been slacking off from your training!”

“I haven’t! Mama, I swear. He goes to the gym down the hall and we-”

“I don’t care, give me your phone. You’re not seeing him again.”

“No!”

“You _ungrateful_ little bastard. I give up my career for you, I dedicate my life to nurturing your talent, and you repay me by becoming a deviant and messing around-”

“I’m in love with him, Mom!”

The slap rings off the walls and Becky backs up from the door, hand coming up to cover her mouth in shock. Her brother barrels out of the studio a moment later, one cheek flaming red and eyes brimming with tears as he flees the situation as fast as he can.

She finds Bucky curled up in the corner of the bathroom a few minutes later, face hidden in his knees as his shoulders hitch brokenly. 

“I feel like I can’t breathe.” He gasps quietly when she sits down beside him, voice cracking. Becky starts to rub slow circles on his back, trying to help him calm down. Nobody else has seen his panic attacks, that she knows of anyway. “I-I knew she wasn’t gonna take it _well_ , but…”

“Fuck what she thinks.” Becky frowns as he starts counting his breaths, trying to calm down. “I don’t care who you date. You know that, right? I love you.”

Bucky nods miserably and leans over to put his head on her shoulder, cheek burning against her skin. Whatever happens, at least he never doubts his twin is in his corner.

Mama switches them to a different gym and Bucky doesn’t get his phone back for a year. He never sees the guy again, and after that he learns to keep his relationships secret and his mouth shut. For better or worse.


	17. Prompt: Bucky + knives on shoes

“I really don’t think it’s possible.”

“That’s what they said about being in a monogamous relationship, Sammy.” Bucky waggles his fingers obnoxiously so the ring on his left hand catches the bright studio light and glistens. “And look how that turned out.”

“Yeah, well. Your sluttitude isn’t a good comparison.” He grimaces as Bucky just continues to lace up the ‘experimental’ shoes. “You haven’t even done pointe for years dude, you’re outta practice and you’re probably too heavy now.”

Bucky shoots him a glare and Sam rolls his eyes. 

“Fucking excuse me for mentioning you look like a human being instead of a scarecrow these days.” 

“Triggered, Sam. I’m officially triggered.” He deadpans, pushing himself up onto the piano stool and testing his shoes gingerly while he’s still seated. “I’m telling Steve on you.”

“Yeah, okay. So you told him you’re trying to _dance on knives_  then?” Sam raises his eyebrows and Bucky slopes his gaze shiftily off to the side. “Mhm.”

“Fine. Mutually assured destruction.” Bucky takes a deep breath and stands up, miraculously managing to keep his balance on the edge of the knives like they’re ice skates. It’s precarious, but he’s upright. “This is gonna be awesome anyway, just watch.”

He falls flat on his face after one step. Sam hits the floor straight after him, laughing his ass off until he has to curl up like a beetle while Bucky fumes - thwarted. 


	18. Prompt: Bucky and Steve get a cat

“The cat’s being weird.”

Steve announces this to nobody except the cat herself, since Bucky’s taking a shower and there’s nobody else in the apartment. Fido - who Steve definitely did not name - looks him dead in the eye and mewls again, deliberately hooking claws in the leg on his pants and tugging. Steve frowns and crouches down to detach the little black paw, scritching behind Fido’s ears in an attempt to placate her. 

“What, huh? I fed you already, sweetheart.” The petting does nothing but get him another loud miaow as the cat takes off to the bathroom door. “Yeah, yeah. I know Bucky’s your fave. The water isn’t gonna kill him, you dumb animal.”

He actually smack talks the cat a hell of a lot less than his boyfriend does (she’s going to start thinking her name is ‘asshole’ soon if Bucky’s not careful), but Fido somehow manages to only look offended when _he_ does it. She flicks her tail irritably at Steve and pushes through the crack in the bathroom door, slithering her way inside like she’s made of liquid. 

“Fuck’s sake.” Steve sighs as the incessant miaowing continues over the running water and raises his voice. “Buck, I’m gonna come grab the cat out.”

He doesn’t get a reply, so pushes the door open and heads into the steamy bathroom without hesitation. Fido has her paws up on the side of the bathtub (safely out of the splash zone, of course), and is now practically yowling as Steve picks her up and carefully tosses her back out of the door... which is when he notices his boyfriend is sitting limply under the water. 

“Buck? Jesus.” He reaches over to turn the water off when Bucky stirs, raising his head and blinking hard with no colour in his face at all. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just got super dizzy for a second.” It’s an understatement, considering how he struggles to grab the sides of the towel Steve puts around his shoulders with any accuracy. “Water was probably too hot.”

“Here, c’mon.” Steve helps him out of the shower, frowning at the fact Bucky’s starting to shiver already. “You eat breakfast today?”

“Yeah.” Bucky clumsily dries himself off and Steve hands him the sweatpants he’d left out, watching him suspiciously. “I’m super tired since we started rehearsals, probably running a deficit or something.”

“Mhm.” It’s a noncommittal sound, since Steve promised to let Bucky handle his own shit but doesn’t trust him as far as he can throw him when it comes to food. Still, Bucky mixes up a protein shake when they head to the kitchen - which is something. “I think your dumb cat was a medical alert dog in a past life.”

“She’s our dumb cat.” Who’s currently rubbing herself on Bucky’s legs and purring like butter wouldn’t melt, of course. 

“Jury’s out.” There must be something in Steve’s expression, because Bucky takes a few cautious sips of his shake before going over to drape his arms around Steve’s neck and get his full attention. 

“You know I’m not doing it again, right?” He gets a slightly pained look on his face when it takes Steve a moment to make himself nod. “I promise, babe.”

“Yeah, okay.” Steve sighs and kisses Bucky lightly, trying to tell himself he’s being irrational and failing. “Sorry, I just...”

“I know.” There’s still that look in his eyes, like he’s not sure his boyfriend is ever going to really trust him on this, and Steve can’t look at that anymore. 

“I gotta get to work.” He kisses Bucky again and then breaks away to grab his guitar case, he’d been about to leave ten minutes ago and is probably running behind now. “I’ll be back before you tonight, probably.”

“Okay, have a good day.” Steve is already out of the door before he can tack a _love you_ on the end, and Bucky leans on the counter and lets his head smack onto his hands with a sigh as the door closes. 

Fido claws at his leg until he picks her up, purring as she tucks herself in under his chin. 

“Traitor.” He mutters, reluctantly nuzzling the soft black fur of her head. “I’m not giving you treats anymore if you keep ratting me out.”

Fido just purrs at the empty threat, content. 


	19. Prompt: Bucky sees a better dancer

“Will you please just come to bed?”

“In a minute. I just gotta figure out…” Bucky sighs harshly through his nose and starts the clip over. Again. He’s clearly getting frazzled, hair starting to come out of its bun and cigarette dangling forgotten from his fingers as he watches the dancer onscreen. “How is he doing that?”

“Babe, it’s nearly midnight.” Steve snags the smouldering cigarette and puts it out before it can burn his boyfriend’s fingers. The guy still has no sense of self-preservation whatsoever. 

“I think he’s running before the music.” Bucky mutters to himself, restarting the clip. It’s from some regional dance competition Steve didn’t even know existed, the kid in the video looking young and wiry as he dances. “That’s why it looks like he hangs…”

He trails off as the kid jumps, and Steve has to admit it does look impressive. Not more impressive than the stuff Bucky does every day though, so he can’t understand what the obsession is. 

“That’s what it is. It’s a goddamn optical illusion.” Bucky nods decisively, sounding a little more normal as he _finally_ closes his laptop and stands up to crack his neck loudly. He’s wearing the godawful ‘Always a Slut for Doritos’ crop top again, Steve thought he threw that out. “Alright, I can go to bed.”

“Just like that?” Steve probably shouldn’t question a good thing, but Bucky is so weird sometimes and he kind of finds it adorable. 

“Yeah.” Bucky shrugs, rolling out his bad shoulder when he feels a twinge - leaning over his laptop is terrible for his posture. “I figured out what he was doing, and how I can do it better. So it’s all good.”

“You’re crazy, you know that?” He follows Bucky into the bedroom, where his boyfriend is apparently going to crash straight out without even taking his clothes off.

“Hey, if you’ve got skin in the game, you stay in the game.” Bucky flops down on the bed and makes grabby hands at Steve. This guy. “Gotta stay better than the new kids coming up.”

“Did you just quote motherfucking _Hamilton_ at me?” Steve gets comfortable with Bucky octopussing all over him as soon as he lies down, as usual. Then there are cold fingers pressed against his ribs to warm them up and he regrets not wearing a shirt for the twentieth time this month. 

“You brainwashed me into it, music nerd. You played it for like two months straight, it was the third person in our relationship.” Bucky sticks his nose into Steve’s neck and breathes out a long, contented breath. “I’m gonna head in early tomorrow, get some practice in.”

“You’re gonna try and beat that kid, aren’t you?” It’s met with silence, and Steve laughs at the predictability. “And I’m the nerd.”

“Go to sleep. Jerk.” Bucky wriggles equally chilly toes onto Steve’s shins and Steve rolls his eyes affectionately before settling down to sleep. Some things never change.


End file.
